Be attractive !

Something to consider, when you are of a mature age and looking for a new partner... When you were in your 20s, you had plenty of time to find a suitable partner, and if the first few candidates turned out to be duds, you could just move on to the next. You were still in the stage of life when you probably enjoyed staying up all night clubbing, meeting and greeting lots of people without much care for if the connections are deep or superficial. Settling down with just one person could wait. When you are older, wiser, and more mature, and life has taken a few turns, and you find yourself single again (or still), your attitude is typically very different. Now you want to meet just one person, the perfect partner, that you preferably can spend the rest of your life with. As a counsellor I have found that very few people have much of an idea of what it takes to attract that perfect partner - not the perfect person, but the perfect partner for them. There is very little help on offer for how to make that magical connection that you are looking for, and most people - despite being supposedly mature - simply recycle the behaviours of their 20s, and then wonder why it isn’t working for them. So when mature age people come to seek my advice on this matter, I help them develop altogether different skills, that are more suitable to who they now are and what they are now looking for. Consider this; when you imagine the kind of partner and the kind of relationship you are hoping for, wouldn’t you want that person and your relationship with them to be... ° Authentic; i.e. that you are real/genuine with each other, that you are honest and truthful about who you are and what you like/don’t like, that you are open about anything and everything that you think and feel? ° Personal; i.e. that you reflect on what you experience when you are together and when you are apart, that you are aware of your thoughts and feelings, and share with each other what goes on in your respective inner worlds, that you desire to be as close as is possible to be in every way? ° Present; i.e. that you are available to each other for real, quality connection and contact, that you make time to really BE with each other with undivided attention, that you are mentally and emotionally present with each other, not only physically present? As you are surely aware, these three components can’t meaningfully be separated; you can’t really have one without the others. Nevertheless, it seems to me that these are good reflections of what most people want in a relationship. So, how do we get that? Well, as is often the case in life, what you are looking for in another, you yourself need to first have and be. And by being Authentic, Personal and Present with someone, you also implicitly invite them to be Authentic, Personal and Present with you. And if they take you up on the invitation, then who knows what may happen...? Being Authentic, Personal and Present is like being very clear and specific in the signage above a shop front; if your signage is misleading or plain wrong, you will attract the wrong people, who have little or no interest in what you actually have to offer. This may be something to consider, if you keep meeting the wrong people all the time. What the "Attract Your Perfect Partner" workshop is aiming at is to help you develop your ability - and perhaps also your courage - to be Authentic, Personal and Present with yourself and with others. You are guided through exercises that give you the opportunity to practise being Authentic, Personal and Present in the company of others, so you can learn to trust that place within yourself where you take your stand in those three qualities. In a sense, all the exercises we do in the workshop are designed for you to get to know yourself better, and to express more authentically who you are. Nevertheless, most of the exercises have as their objective to help you get clear about who you are with regard to your wants and requirements of your perfect partner. This is, of course, the other side of the coin, if you tend to meet the wrong people all the time; you need to be able to recognise who is a potential partner and who is not, and not just be sucked into old patterns that you are dragging along for no good reason.